You practically salivate at the sound of rainfall; well it is almost as good as sex.

Men just look better with a paddle in their hands.

You like men in skirts.

Your e-mail address has something to do with rivers.

You spend every weekend and vacation with a bunch of guys, but you aren’t dating any of them.

You can strip down to naked and change your clothes in the open, in front of other people, and not think twice about it.

You can’t drive over a bridge without looking for water under it.

Your hairstyle is dictated by if it looks okay with a helmet on or after the helmet comes off!

Your idea of a complete first aid kit is a roll of duct tape, Superglue and Monistat.

You spend more on sunscreen than on hair care and makeup combined.

You choose a new car based on whether or not your rack system will fit it.

You go to a formal function in the winter and the only formal you own is off the shoulder.

People ask if you have a skin disorder, but you still have PFD lines in January.

River lingerie is Coolmax underwear. It dries quickly.

Your boats are worth more than all of your furniture combined!

Your Mom has stopped saying, “Be careful this weekend.”

Your Mom has also stopped saying, “Go where the men are so you can get married.” You are where the men are and are no closer to giving her grandchildren!

Your Mom stopped trying to get you to pick out china and silver patterns and now buys you Lexan for gifts.

“Wet, sticky hole” and “blowing a ferry” in casual conversation don’t give you pause.

When looking at a new house your first consideration is, “Is the garage big enough to hold my kayaks?”

You search the country for a place to live for it’s proximity to year round whitewater.

You can’t look at water in a gutter without imagining tiny runs and miniature waves and holes.

You feel all mushy inside when your boyfriend gives you a dry top for Christmas.


(Excerpted from